Out in the Burbs

Good morning, Chatswin!

Readily available hot water just doesn’t exist in the city, so Tessa and George are excited to jump in the shower and get their day started right. One problem: The water shuts off mid-shower before Tessa can rinse the shampoo out of her hair and George has some weird issue with soft soap that he doesn’t really detail. Anyway, some household water thing broke and George is worried he doesn’t have the money to fix it. In a twist of fate, George runs into Dallas at the supermarket who wants him to build her a boutique. She also asks him to squeeze her melons. No, literally, she tries teaching him how to tell when a cantaloupe is ripe. George is all freaked out that Dallas has been trying to pursue him ever since they kissed on Christmas. He wants to avoid her but his money problems leave him no other option. He accepts the job and simultaneously accepts that there’s just no escaping Dallas.

When he visits the boutique space for the first time (which, by the way, is for hew new personalized crystal paper weight business), Dallas rattles off some sexual innuendos, “I bet your brain is just spinning thinking about all the things we can do in here! On the ceiling, on the floor, against this wall…” George flips out and tells her to stop trying to seduce him and leaves all flustered and cranky.

Meanwhile, Tessa has been assigned to be the “buddy” for a new kid at school, Josh. When she introduces Josh to Lisa, Lisa gets all giddy. She’s really into him and asks Tessa to put in a good word for her. It’s too bad that when Tessa tries to fulfill that mission, her gaydar goes off the charts. It seems Josh is more into Lisa’s brother than Lisa. So when poor, desperate Lisa hears the news, she tries to convert Josh. This entails dressing like a dude and saying uncomfortable dude-like things in the hallway. She even has him high-five her repeatedly for good measure. Right after that awkward incident, Josh exposes himself for what he really is: An undercover narcotics officer. He pounces on a guy in the hallway and handcuffs him. Looks like Josh wasn’t gay after all and Tessa realizes she’s guilty of jumping to conclusions. It must run in the family…

It dawns on George that Dallas’ flirtatious ways are nothing but Dallas’ harmless and aloof personality. He apologies for his assumptions and he finally learns the truth about her intentions with him. It turns out that the kiss they shared on Christmas was not so much about George and Dallas as it was about Dallas and her husband. George was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Oh, and Mr. Wolfe announces to the entire school that he’s gay (because no one had ANY idea).

So, recap of the day: Dallas doesn’t like George, Josh doesn’t like boys and Mr. Wolfe does. With so many mysteries resolved, Chatswin will sleep a little easier tonight… and shower a little easier too.